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A Romantic Candlelit Dinner for One

 

A year or so before I met the wife, I briefly dated a girl called Anna Wei Yi. Though things were still in the early stages, all the signs were looking promising, that this time it was going to work out.

After a few weeks it seemed only natural to invite her to my place for dinner one Saturday. Things went really well. I cooked spag-bol’, prepared strawberries with chocolate ice cream for dessert and sorted two bottles of wine; red and chilled dry white. The table was quite long so in an effort to bring us together I set the cutlery either side of one corner separated by a red candle in a green bottle with drips of wax running down the sides. Nice! With the relaxing sounds of Morcheeba in the background to chill the mood, we had great fun. Anna laughed as I showed her how to use a spoon and fork with the spaghetti and we chatted for hours.

The evening felt like an effervescent sparkling glass of champagne filled with the near tactile elusive magic that lingers with us like an aura for days afterwards.

Well, time to go and as I walked her to the taxi we exchanged pleasantries. “Thanks I had a really great night” smiled Anna turning back from the taxi.
Suddenly face to face; an enchanted moment catching us both by surprise; the space between us our only barrier.
“Well how about we do it again next weekend?” I suggested riding along on a wave of enthusiasm. We could do the same only how about you do the cooking?”

“Oh!”
Anna’s tone immediately dropped as did her body language like mashed potatoes sliding off the plate and hitting the floor.
Splat!
And so endeth the moment!
“OK! Sure! Fine! See you then!” and at that she turned her back to me virtually diving in the taxi.

The following weekend arrived and Anna suggested that we meet outside Carrefour so she could buy some ingredients. I have to admit it was nice doing the shopping with someone else; a togetherness I hadn’t felt in years. Shopping for one? Blaaagh!

Strange though after ten minutes or so Anna asked me to get something way across the other side of the store. Upon finally returning I found that she seemed to be permanently on the phone. Speaking to someone in Chinese, she cradled her mobile’ between her chin and shoulder while pulling items off the shelf into the shopping trolly/cart. All I could do was follow her around unable to communicate and by then feeling fairly dislocated, yearning for that initial feeling.

Back at my place, I hoped that things would pick up from where we left off the previous evening.
“Can I help with anything?” I asked as she unpacked the food in the kitchen.
“No. I can do it myself!” she insisted in an uncharacteristically abrasive tone,  so I headed for the sofa wondering what I’d done wrong and where this sudden attitude had come from; the anticipation of romantically cooking together now chucked well and truly in the pedal bin; images of laughter as we got flour on our faces long gone.

Normally I’d do some work or watch a movie or something to pass the time but you can’t do that on a date right? After half an hour of sitting on the sofa and feeling like a total spare part my stomach was starting to rumble so I ventured near the kitchen and assess the state of play. Amazingly, she was stirring something in a saucepan with her phone still in that familiar position. It was then that over a period of ten seconds or more, the penny finally dropped that she’d been talking to her Mum the whole time. For some reason her Mum was actually now guiding her through the recipe and by the look of it, things were not going well.

A painful hour and a half later the anti-chef emerged from the kitchen of despair and dumped the cutlery on the table.
“You do it!”
“But there’s only enough for one person here!”
“I’m not eating!” she mumbled returning back to the pit.

And there I waited…and waited…and waited.

Finally the moment arrived and a single plate was delivered. Looking down I examined the end product of what was, including the shopping, the sum of four hours’ work. A single three inch piece of meat failed to occupy the centre of the plate with some strange smelling dark brown sauce liberally deposited over the top that looked devoid of all nutritional value.

“Is that it?” I kept my thoughts to myself.

Anna sat far away at the other end of the table fixing her eyes on me with a smouldering glare that could have ignited a pile of wet socks. To cap it all, just as I was preparing myself, the music finished immersing us in an awkward silence.

The tension was unbearable!

The moment of truth. I gingerly tried to cut through the meat; the prominent sound of cutlery on crockery as I forced the knife through. For a split second I held the meat on the fork before my mouth hoping it would be amazing, that Mum’s secret recipe passed down and perfected through generations would transport my taste buds into culinary nirvana.

The over-salted first mouthful was only matched by its dryness. I was forced to reach for the wine immediately. Looking up, I painted a painful smile as I chewed.
“And how is it?”
“Oh wow. This is great,” was all I could muster, focusing on trying to swallow.
Actually it was so salty that it was difficult to get down without showing signs of discomfort. She must have known that the food was terrible. That I set my knife and fork down after three mouthfuls must have merely affirmed this grim reality.
“Have you finished already?”
“Yes I’m full,” was the only possible reply I could think of “But really it’s great. I’ll save the rest for later.”

Anna left shortly after. As she opened the door and I moved to grab my coat she insisted that it was unnecessary that I walked her to the taxi.

Years on from this most memorable of dinner dates and it turns out that actually many of the younger generation in China are losing the ability to cook. As a teacher, one of my favourite topics is cooking. I teach college students and professionals and normally only two students in every ten can cook anything. Some will have never cooked anything in their lives. Last week I had a student that hadn’t even boiled an egg, made rice or instant noodles before. I had one student recently go to a home-stay in Australia complaining bitterly that they were making him cook his own food. What a strange notion it is that in one’s life you will only ever consume what someone else has prepared for you, either in a restaurant, shop or a family member. In an age where the highest achievements at college are viewed as the most important thing for any family, parents view cooking as a complete waste of time.

I never did see Anna again. After a few distant text messages later things quickly died out. I’ll always remember her though, well the sight of her glaring at me from the other side of the table.

Oh and the amount of washing up she left me with!

 


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Categories: Beijing, China, Chinese Culture, Humour, Writing

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49 replies ›

  3. hmm cooking was obviously important…doesn’t sound too pleasant, however, there is such a thing as communicating, a simple I can’t cook???
    thanks for sharing.. I could feel, the memory unfolding.

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  4. What a great story, perfectly told. I love the humour you’ve instilled into it and the fact that, looking back, you yourself can laugh at the incident. I had no idea of the inept cooking skills of the younger Chinese. Interesting to know that – thanks for sharing your tale, Andy.

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  5. Your story was such a relief to read……because I have a daughter just like Anna. And until I read this I assumed she was a rarity. So now I learn there are many others just like her. I can sleep now.

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    • Glad you liked it > yes painful for me. Its amazing what we do in the quest for love ha ha > btw > I finished BT and left review on Amazon.co.uk Hope you are well Clare. It’s been a while.

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      • My birthday is coming up and I fully expect your book to be with the presents Charley has to surprise me. Thank you, Andy and I’ll make sure I review your book, too. I have been reading parts of it on your blog. It has been a while and I’m finally catching up a bit. Take care and stay safe. Monsoon season is almost upon us! Clare

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      • Right now I’m working on supplementary photos for the Alpaca Book I hope to be out in May???? And I just learned Power Point to put together a few lessons for a class I’m teaching this summer. The mystery has taken a back seat, but I needed a break. How about you? Are you feeling okay?

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      • Great > Being as patient as ever with the limited time available around work. I’m making my own Chinese phrasebook for motor mechanics for when I hit the road later in the year. That and a zillion other things. Phew. What classes are you going to teach?

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      • I’ve developed a class called Writing to Share. We have a Continuing Education Group here at colleges in the states. In RI it’s called Osher Life-Long Learning and has offerings for seniors. I’m going to give a presentation on the importance of reading with young children and then guide students through a process of creating a piece of writing they’d like to share with a child. (poem, story, song…) Then we’ll discuss how to illustrate it and then they can share. I may also do it this fall up in the Berkshires???
        You’ve really come a long way with your books. I’ll be getting your book for my birthday this Sunday, so I should have it read by the end of next week. I’m really looking forward to learning more about China and your life there. So, you’re heading back on the road? I see another book in the future. Shengdong would really like to meet you, so , if you’re heading for Xiamen, tell me. Also, I’ll give you his email.

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      • I didnt know you taught writing lessons. I havent had any lessons so just write from the heart in my own way. I cant wait to start writing fiction. In the meantime I’ll be heading off into a vast strip of poverty from Beijing to Xinjiang and back. I think in a couple of months I’ll start getting scared ha ha. No tourist destinations where I’m going, well not until Kashgar, phew.

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      • So many sides to China. Have you ever heard of a young composer/conductor named Tan Dun? He composed a beautiful orchestral work called The Map: Concerto for Cello, Video and Orchestra.. He travelled around China taking video of the people playing their local music and then copied the sound using instruments in the orchestra. Then he combined the two with a visual presentation and a symphony orchestra background. Incredible! You, my very eclectic friend, would love it. I believe it’s on Youtube. I heard the very first performance by the Boston Symphony in 2002. He conducted. It was a great experience.

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  8. I really laughed out loud today! Your account is just so graphic and painful! Made me recall my first try at cooking for a boyfriend. I was your Anna! I did not know fish from the freezer needed to be defrosted before being placed into hot oil, I did not know you had to add water to a slow cooker and snap the lid shut before turning it on and if I had access to a phone back in the day I would have called my mum…..it was a memorable night but happily that boyfriend still remains a good friend. Thanks Andy for a good start to my weekend. Best wishes to you.

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  9. Oh my…what a date Andy!!! LOL I am sure it was unforgettable! You wrote this post like a lovely and funny Journal entry I loved to read it, your writings are so catchy and I have to say that I had some very good laughing! You have been very brave to try that 4 hours overcook meat and to have the courage to say that you were full! Thank you for sharing your experience! 😉

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    • Cheers Carolina > Actually I physically couldnt eat it. It takes a certain something to make food inedible. Ha ha. Really glad you liked it. Most of my book is like this all 360 pages of it ha ha. Hey Carolina > I hope you are having a terrific spring weekend 🙂 Glorious here 🙂

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      • Actually I’ve set myself a big project and it may take years to complete but if it works it will be amazing. Seriously watch this space. I’ve been brainstorming it for years. Maybe next year I’ll start to write proper. I want to create a comic strip for it as well. RE Cover design > I asked a few professionals to do the cover for Just Turn Left and they didnt have much of a clue regarding travel books. Every cover they designed looked like a fictional book. It took a long time to get the cover that you now see. For sure I’ll keep you in mind for the next cover mate 🙂

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      • Sounds very interesting Andy! I am sure it would be great! Btw I like the cover of Just turn left I truly do! I also understand that some professionals had no clue and it is because they only had a classic travel book in mind and often they works with templates that;s why they looks like a fictional book. Create something that is a unique mirror and vision of a book it is something else not everyone are able to capture that essence and create it visually.

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      • I guess trying to find something that’s unique days is everyone’s quest. I actually have never ever read anyone else’s travelogue including Bill Bryson as I dont want to be influenced in any way by anyone. I know that will have to change when it comes to fiction as I have a mountain to learn. When it comes to travel I go for true life adventures like Into Thin Air. The future is exciting!

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      • I am totally agree with you and in a similar way I can relate when you say “I have never ever read anyone else’s travelogue including Bill Bryson as I dont want to be influenced in any way by anyone” for me is the same with fashion design 9one of my passion since I was teen) I have my own drawing style that I developed during the years I will never take any fashion design class .I see that people loose their personal drawing in end of the course they all drawing the same way uniqueness is lost and for me is everything!

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      • When you create something unique and that works then it sparkles whatever it is. Following the pack never leads to enjoyment and satisfaction > mind you I’ve always been a bit of a rebel. I reckon you are too ha ha!!!

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